10 Ways To Help Release Anger

 Anger.

Anger is a strong emotion that arises when we feel we have been wronged by someone or something.

We’ve been taught that anger is a bad emotion. Something to be scared of. We’ve learnt to associate anger with negativity. It’s possible that when anger is in excess or is expressed without intention, it can be harmful, reactive, explosive, violent or aggressive. If we have experienced anger in our pasts as dangerous, we might also be scared to feel it ourselves.

However not all anger is bad. Anger can be a good thing. It is healthy to feel some anger. Anger is a sign that someone or something has crossed your boundaries. If you listen to that anger, it will let you know when something isn’t sitting right for you. It helps you realise when you’re not okay with what’s transpiring.  It can be the catalyst for change, growth or expansion.

If you think about emotions in layers, anger can be the top level emotion; the one that is outward facing. Layered beneath the anger however, are other hidden emotions. Perhaps the next level down is frustration. And below that, hurt. You are only ever angry about something that has hurt you. Perhaps the next layer is disappointment. Or fear.

We aren’t taught how to healthily express anger. It feels destructive when there is no control over it. To help our anger become constructive, we need to be aware of it as it arises, be curious towards it and release the parts that feel overwhelming, whilst attending to the message it is sending us. Anger can also be an embodied experience, and so allowing yourself to physically release its remnants is also apart of helping you work with it, instead of against it.

Here are 10 ways to help release anger:

1.     Shake your body

Anger is a very visceral feeling. Its important to release the pent-up energy.

 Shake your body for a minimum of 2 minutes on the spot.

End by reaching up to the sky, take a big breathe in and a big exhale through the mouth, dropping your shoulders and arms by your side.

Repeat until needed.

2.     Push up against a wall

 Put both hands up against the wall, brace your legs and push against the wall; hard.

You can also pulse the push against the wall as needed.

3.     Exercise

 Exercise is an incredible way to release excess energy in the body.

A boxing class,  gym, walk or run. It will help you process the anger and release the energy.

4.     Write Uncensored

 Hand write or type out what you’re angry about, uncensored.

Don’t think, just do. Just write whatever comes out, without thinking too much about it.

 When you’re angry, it all swirls in your head and gets stuck in your body.

You want to let out what’s in your head by putting it out on paper. Once you’re done, file it and walk away. Come back again tomorrow if you need to let out more.

5.     Listen to music

 Listen to music that makes you feel good.

You can listen to music that supports your anger but we also don’t want it to fuel the anger. The aim here is to release.

 Listening to music that makes you feel good helps change your body’s emotions to help you feel calmer. This will then help you create some more clarity around the anger.

6.     Pillow Slam

 Take a pillow or a soft object and throw it as hard as you can against the floor. Repeat until it feels like you have released that excess anger.

7.     Towel Twist

 Take a cloth or small towel.

Channel some of that healthy anger or frustration.

Twist the towel as hard as you can one way, and push it down.

Release and relax.

Twist the towel the other way and pull/push.

Stop. Relax. Give your arms and hands a break.

 Take some deep breaths. Notice if you feel a sense of release or if you feel a rise in anger.

If you notice you need to keep doing it, continue as above.

Remember not to take yourself to the point of too much strain but enough that there is tension.

8.     Self Soothe

 Sit down in a comfortable position

Place one hand on heart and another on belly

Close your eyes

Notice where you feel the anger in your body

If your mind starts to wonder, drop the story and gently keep bringing your awareness back to the sensations in your body

Take some deep breaths and breathe around the feeling of anger

Relax around that feeling of anger

Repeat to yourself: “Its okay to feel angry”

Lean into this sentence and feeling

Allowing the feeling to act like a wave: rise, peak and fall

Continue your breaths

Repeat as necessary.

9.     Create self awareness around it

When we feel anger rise, it can feel all consuming. Enters the rage, and that’s when we become reactive.

Take a moment to take a breathe and think about the layers.

Ask yourself:

-       What am I angry about?

-       Why am I hurt by this?

-       What boundary or value of mine is being disrespected here?

-       What would I need to happen to help me release my anger in a beneficial way?

Stopping yourself and being curious around your anger also creates some space between you and the feeling. Instead of getting lost in it, it allows you to step back which can help you with the next step.

10.  Communication

 Communicating your anger in a healthy way is important.

Once you are aware of what’s coming up for you, you can communicate it in a way that feels productive and calm, rather than explosive and reactive.

For example:

Lets say a friend constantly says mean things to you and it makes you upset.

If you say:

“You are so frustrating, why do you always do this! I can’t believe you said that again after I told you not to”

-       This already sounds accusatory and will probably end up in the person becoming defensive

Another way to communicate this is by using “I” statements to take accountability for how you feel, then express your intention and use inclusive language.

For example:

“I’m noticing when you say mean things to me like that, it makes me really upset and I get frustrated (I statement). I’ve tried to ask you not to say that before but perhaps something was misunderstood. I love you and I really want us to be friends (intention). How can we work through this together? (inclusive language)”

Already this softens the anger, allows you to communicate what you need and its much more likely the person will hear that in a way that’s accessible.

Anger is not a bad emotion, more so just misunderstood. Respect your anger and release what you need to. This will help you use your anger for your benefit, instead of your demise.

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Author: Cody Tonkin