5 Tips In Letting Go
When was the last time you had to let go of something?
What was it? Or who was it?
Letting go is oftentimes one of the hardest things people struggle with. As humans, we are constantly searching for meaning and sentiment in everything we do. This makes us feel attached. Connected. When something has a history, or if it once served us well, it makes it particularly hard to let go of.
The fear around letting go can be that it might be forgotten. So people hold on tight, scared that it won’t exist anymore. Some people can’t accept that it happened and become stuck in denial. The idea or the memory, more than the actual thing, can remain alive in your mind and becomes addictive. Letting go can also be about letting something be, rather than getting rid of it.
“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”– Jack Kornfield
Letting go can be a very scary process. So much so, that we avoid it all together and stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships, with things or people, longer than needed.
So why is it so hard to let something go when we know that it’s bad for us?
I can’t let go of this block of chocolate even though I know it should stop. I can’t let go of this top because what if I want to wear it one day? I can’t let go of this relationship because we have history.
Usually the very thing that we need to let go of has, at some point in our lives, provided us with great meaning and value. Letting go would mean having to come to terms with the fact that we may never experience it again, as it was. Once it’s gone, it’s gone and no matter how much we want it to be, it will never be the same again. And just like that it will become a memory, only revived by our imagination. This can be heart breaking to admit and surrender to.
But it is at this stage that we need to stop and ask ourselves: Is this serving me? Is this thing, whatever it may be, supporting me and allowing me to thrive? Or is it stunting my growth, holding me back from so many other things I could be experiencing.
Yes, it’s true, letting go can mean the end of something. But with every end comes a beginning. That stable, continual cycle of life pulls through yet again and carries us as we enter a transformation into something other. An end to a relationship may mean entering into a new one, perhaps even with yourself. Letting go to that piece of clothing will make way for extra space. Letting go of that memory will make room for a new one. Letting go of the need for things be a certain way will give rise to relief, empowerment, and clarity.
Whilst working in the mental health field, I was working with a man who was stuck in his past. His wife cheated on him with his best friend, 40 years ago. Every session, I watched him ruminate over the memories that were filled with heartbreak and destruction. It took over his being. He hadn’t moved on for 40 years. I saw so much potential in him to do so many things but his ruminations just held him back. My heart broke for him; Yes for what happened to him but even more so for the way he handled it.
It was like watching him being stuck in a cage, with the key to his freedom hanging around his neck and not even realising it’s there.
When you don’t let go of something, you are continually living in the past. The present, all that is happening around you, is being missed. You live in a memory rather than what is happening. The situation playing out in your mind doesn’t exist anymore or is yet to exist… so why are we wasting our time on it?
Eventually, everything is lost. In this life, nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. So why fight the laws of nature? Why not flow with it instead.
Here are some things to remind ourselves of when learning to let go:
1. Ask yourself, is there something I need to let go of?
What is the first thing that comes to mind. Usually that is your intuition telling you the honest truth. Listen to it.
2. Is it serving me right now?
It may have served you once upon a time but is it serving you now, at this point in your life?
3. Who can help and support me in learning to let go?
It.is.not.easy. It.is. really. hard.
Letting go can be excruciatingly difficult sometimes. Identify who and what will support you during this time and what the best way to go about it is so that you don’t fall back into old habits.
4. Let yourself feel everything
Ensure you express and release everything you still feel and hold towards that thing. In order to truly let something go, most of us need to feel closure and that we have done all we can in order to process what is going on for us. Grief, loss, anger or guilt. Whatever it is, you cannot make room for the new if you do not cleanse the old.
5. Realize and make note to yourself about what you are gaining from what you are letting go
As highlighted, with the death of one thing comes the rebirth of another. What are you giving rise to? Explore it. Support it. Acknowledge it. Know what it is and enhance your environment so that it is conducive to allowing that new thing to grow and thrive.
So, take a deep breath… and let it go. Free yourself. After all, you are the one that holds the key.
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Author: Cody Tonkin